A Career Outside the Home?

The question arises: Should mothers, with children at home, work outside the home? Some women simply must do this. They have no choice because the financial circumstances of their marriages or families require it. Others merely think they have no choice. Millions of women have been conditioned to believe they should enter the workforce—that this is where they belong. Yet, this is most often done to pursue material wants more than real needs.

This world has programmed families to believe that happiness primarily flows from how many things they have, instead of quality time shared together doing relatively inexpensive things with people of similar values and goals.

If you choose to work outside the home, there will be many hidden costs. In countless ways, many of which you are probably not aware or prepared for, your children will pay the biggest price. For instance, they will not have your consistent guiding attention, necessary and important daily conversation time, help with schoolwork, involvement in afterschool activities and sports, and much more.

There are other hidden costs—clothing for work, daycare fees, automobile expenses, poorer meal planning, coupled with more expensive, but less nutritious, food quality, a large percentage of your income simply going for additional taxes, as well as the ongoing loss of time to do many other things, then no longer possible. Also, details in the home will go begging, taking its own toll on the enjoyment of living there.

All this will bring fatigue, extending your physical limitations, possibly jeopardizing your health, also usually at some additional financial cost. There are other costs and negative effects almost too numerous to mention.

If you are going to pursue a career, carefully discuss—together—whether it is really necessary, and at what price it will come. You will be glad you did.

Little Things Mean a Lot

Let’s return to the husbands. Recognize that little acknowledgements are far more important to your wife than you may believe—or than you may have been taught to understand while growing up. Women like to be recognized for what they do. There is an old cliché: “If you like it, say so.” Husbands, this means you.

If your wife has cooked something special, thank her. If she bought a new dress and it looks particularly good, compliment her—even finding something good to say if you do not especially like the dress. If she is wearing a new perfume, tell her if you like it. If she has moved the furniture around, as women often enjoy doing, appreciate it. If she has baked a special dessert, comment on it, notice it. No matter how small an item may be to you, it may be very important to your wife that you notice and validate what she has done.

Do not ever underestimate the importance of how little things mean a lot. Recognize the important contributions of the person you are married to. So many husbands are too focused on themselves, not caring about all the little things their wives quietly do for them.

If your wife is handling many necessary details for you, recognize that it is extremely important to her that you appreciate, with just a few seconds of compliment, what may have taken her hours or days to achieve.

Look for what she has done, perhaps bringing home a gift reflecting your appreciation. Recognize that a single rose or a card—or both—is a wonderful way to let her know that what she did was noticed. She will love you for it!

Also recognize that your children, if they see this kind of outgoing concern and interest, will see that their father loves and appreciates their mother. This will give such children confidence and peace that they are in a happy, loving home, led by parents who care about each other and, therefore, care about them. (Also, you are quietly programming this into their future marriages, and indirectly helping your grandchildren!)

I cannot overstate the importance of husbands setting this kind of tone within the family!

A Reflection of Your Husband

The Bible explains that the wife is actually a reflection of her husband. This reflection actually gives the wife extraordinary power over the effectiveness and ultimate success of her husband.

Notice this fascinating verse from Proverbs. Wives, never forget this: “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that makes ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (12:4).

The woman of character is actually a beautiful “crown to her husband’s” head. So says God. Wives, see yourselves as having the potential of developing into a dazzling, magnificent, bejeweled, glittering, stunning CROWN worn atop the man to whom you are married. What an honorable and wonderful goal to aspire to! The alternative is “rottenness to his bones.”

God says, “the woman is the glory of the man” (I Cor. 11:7). Certainly any woman, worn as a beautiful crown by her husband, is truly the glory of that man.

Those who wear crowns are kings. Any wife wanting to be married to a king can crown him with herself! You can be his “glory.” Do not sell short your ability to make your husband into a king in the sight of men and God.

Now consider this, wives. Women married to kings are queens! When you crown your husband, making him a king, you have made yourself a queen! This is the message of Proverbs 12:4. Do you want to be a QUEEN? Then make your husband a king. Understand this. But remember that queens usually have great character, dignity, grooming and carriage. If you have built strong character, then God says that you have become a queen—and this automatically crowns your husband a KING!

The husband should encourage his wife to become herself. Do not try to make her over in your image. When you married her—and this goes for wives as well—you married a particular, specific person. She came with certain strengths and weaknesses, certain abilities and voids, and a certain type of personality. Do not try to make her into something that she is not. If you do, the results will be devastating to her—and your marriage.

Inspire your wife to become all that she can naturally be. Encourage her to be a wise steward of her natural talents and interests—and take an interest in what these are. While never driving her to achieve her potential, inspire her to do so, reminding her that she can be more than what she may feel herself capable of becoming. Encourage her not to limit herself—and watch her rise to the occasion—in this case, the occasion is an entire lifetime of being more than she ever dreamed possible, and maybe more than you ever dreamed when you married her!

Your wife will tend to become what you want and inspire her to be. You can inspire her to be a slave, hag or plain Jane—or a wonderful mother, wife, princess or queen.

Proverbs 31:10 asks, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” Rubies are worth more than diamonds, emeralds or sapphires, and are considered the most valuable of precious stones. Your wife has the potential, if she develops her character (“virtue”), to achieve greatness she has never envisioned.

Husbands have the power to help their wives achieve extraordinary things. And remember, if you inspire your wife to become a queen, you help her become a crown to your head—and yourself to become a king!

Manage Your Finances Together

All wage earners are paid a specific amount of money. Whether large or small, this is the amount they must live within. There are no exceptions. Financial problems, usually brought by people living beyond their means, along with poor communication and sexual relations problems, form the “big three” causes for marital break-up.

Our booklet Taking Charge of Your Finances offers many principles that can be applied in your marriage.

Here are a few helpful points:

• Develop the habit of systematic, monthly saving early in your marriage.Both partners must understand what this amount is—and try to never draw from it, except in emergencies. Talk about and understand why you are saving for the future. This is prudent for a host of reasons.
• Avoid credit-buying.It is a trap far deeper than it appears. If you do use credit cards, pay them off immediately every month. This means thoughtful and regular discussion between husbands and wives, so that unnecessary or hidden spending does not get away from the family. While using credit cards is very easy, repaying their debt can be very difficult, if they are abused even a little bit. Avoid the trap.
• Teach your children to budget.If you do, you will give them one of the greatest gifts any parent can give. If you teach them well, you will save them untold horror. This will also help you remember to carefully manage yourincome, because you will be conscious of the example you are setting.
• Plan your purchases.Develop priorities so that you do not try to buy everything at once. Then, determine to buy quality as much as possible. There is an old saying: “It is expensive to be poor.” When you buy cheap quality, which may cost half or two-thirds as much as a better brand, it may only last a third as long and then you will have to replace it. Practice patience. Save for QUALITY—you will be glad you did!