Practicing Forgiveness

The subject of fidelity introduces the reality that some marriages are rocked by adultery. Many couples have to deal with the pain of a “cheating” spouse.

If there has been infidelity in your marriage, strive to move on. Ask God to help you forgive, if you are the victim—and to repent, if you are the offender. After all, repentance and forgiveness, in every aspect of human behavior, inside or outside marriage, is crucial to understand. Human beings are imperfect. Everyone makes mistakes, but some are far harder to overcome—and forgive—than others. Accept responsibility for either side of this coin, when it applies.

There will be numerous occasions when you will need to overlook what your mate has done. It means extra tolerance, at the least, and sometimes outright mercy and forgiveness when you may least feel like giving it.

Also recognize that every marriage has areas of friction and disagreement, not visible when couples were romancing each other. Initially, each party obviously kept the best foot forward, knowing the other might lose interest if the “real you” made an appearance. After marriage, the “real you” does appear!

A beautiful tapestry, viewed from afar, will not reveal the stains and tiny imperfections that become visible when examined at close range. The closer you get to the person you have married, the more visible the good and bad points will become. You will see the texture of their “tapestry” up close and personal. It is this second stage—of coming to truly know each other—that invariably tests the will of the couple to continue a lifelong commitment.

Remember, you married because your spouse was a beautiful tapestry!

Planning a Family

One of the purposes of sexual relations is to produce children. God’s first command to husbands and wives, referenced before the Genesis 2 instruction, was “be fruitful, and multiply” (Gen. 1:28).

Many couples no longer want to have children. Also, one in six couples cannot have children, because one in every twelve married people is now infertile. It only takes one infertile partner to have a childless marriage.

But this is not what God intended. Your parents gave you the gift of life—and you are probably very glad they did. You have the same power—and it should be exercised! But do it wisely.

Plan to have children. Do not let careers get in the way. Determine when and how many is best for you. Consider your finances and prepare for them. Also, before they arrive, prepare yourselves to be good parents. The greatest gift you can give your children is to be a wise and understanding parent! Ask God for great wisdom in this area. In the same regard, never forget that setting an example of unified, loving, patient parents is your constant goal.

Of course, like sexual relations, childrearing requires its own book. (Read our free book Train Your Children God’s Way to learn that there is far more to rearing happy, balanced and productive children than meets the eye.)

The Truly Happy Marriage

God tells husbands: “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of [your] life” (Ecc. 9:9). For this to be possible, the wife has to be doing the same—and this should be the daily goal of every married couple. None of the principles in this booklet will bring true, complete happiness unless bothmates are diligently applying them. Successful marriages are always the product of two people working together toward the same purpose in the same way with the same understanding.

If you have a wonderful husband or a wonderful wife, you are truly blessed—and much more unusual than you may think. But if you do not have a good husband or a good wife, then strive to grow as much as you possibly can, understanding that your mate may follow your example.

God says this to husbands blessed to have found a wonderful wife: “Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD” (Prov. 18:22).

A virtuous wife is wonderful—“a good thing”—and wise husbands-to-be will search for such a woman before getting married. Special favor from God is just one benefit that comes from marrying a woman of great character.

Wives, strive to be special in every way you possibly can. Husbands, strive to be worthy of such a wonderful woman. The result may be that you find that God has sent you one.

The couple that works at their marriage will find that their marriage WORKS!—and far better than they had ever dreamed! On your wedding day, you promised—you vowed!—before God to spend the rest of your life married to the same person. Stay focused on this commitment. Do not let it wane or blur in your mind. It was intended to be “for better or for worse.” It is easy for a couple to remain committed when times are “better,” but not so easy to remain so when they are going through a “worse” phase. A close relationship with God, based on a deep recognition that He knows how to produce all the best and most wonderful things in both marriage and life, has no substitute. No matter what difficulty your marriage is facing, bring God into it. He has all the true and lasting solutions.

Commitment is the bedrock foundation of every successful marriage. Remember, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” The rewards that flow from dedication to your wedding vows will bring joy beyond words.

Happiness depends far more on what YOU do than on what your mate or anyone else does. No matter the current state of your marriage, YOU can improve it. Take responsibility. You can grow—and it can get better. While this may take much work, not coming easily or overnight, the by-product is that much better times lie ahead for all those willing to follow God’s principles for building a truly happy marriage!